I live in the socialist Northeast where any slightly critical remark that could be remotely interpreted as possibly applying to a specific culture or race is totally and extremely offensive — unless, of course, you’re poking fun at rednecks/Southerners (which to ignorant Northeasters are the same people), or Christians. Oh yes… up in the Northeast you can rip any folks with a Southern twang, and any Christians who actually believe what they say they believe, up one side and down the other… and it’s okay!?

Specifically, there are these so-called redneck jokes. These little gems get passed around in email just as much by fellow rednecks (getting a chuckle laughing at themselves) as by ignorant urban bigots sipping their pansy lattes. I think it says a lot about a race or culture when they can laugh at themselves, and I guess that means it says a lot about a race or culture that CANNOT laugh at themselves [you know who you are].

Anyways… in the vein of the proto-typical “You might be a redneck if…” I actually just received an email that put a new spin on this format. I’m repeating it here with my own personal touches and a few sharper barbs. Here goes…

You might be a redneck if…

• it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase “one nation, under God”… or by seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places… or by hearing “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Winter Holiday”
• you bow your head when someone prays, and you don’t feel uncomfortable or ashamed when you they get to the “In Jesus’ name… Amen” part
• your music talks about hard work, being honest, and fighting for your country… more than it talks about selling drugs, hitting women, and committing murder
• you stand up straight (if able), remove your hat, and place your hand over your heart when you hear the National Anthem
• you treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have
• you’ve never burned an American flag, never picketed a military recruiting center, and never shouted into the face of a policeman
• you know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter how many leftist censors are listening
• you raised your kids to respect their elders, say please and thank you, and own up to their own mistakes
• you’d give your last dollar to a friend… or drive your pickup over to help a neighbor… or deliver a veterans’ widow some dry firewood on a cold winter day… or fight a raging fire inside a stranger’s home

The truth of the matter is that if the United States had twice the rednecks it does… it’d be ten times the country it is.

Which reminds me of another redneck joke I received that I feel paints an accurate picture of that culture:

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

[insert picture of rednecks holding ridiculously sized rifles]

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and given only the following info on terrorists:

1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt

We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against another lawyer who goes to a loony church, who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.

On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose last name starts with “Mc” and is married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What excuse, in the Lord’s name and by all that is holy, could you possibly have for even pausing at this decision?

[HT: Dan Neville]

Scouring the internet produced records of some rich S(c)hreckengost history. Below is a snippet of what I found regarding the Shreck gunsmiths of PA:

It was also during this time, during the 1840s and 50s, when the most well-known Schreckengost family gunsmiths, descendents of Conrad, William (1821-1894), Levi, and Lincoln Schreckengost (1865-1949), started to create their particular firearms. William Schreckengost of Putneyville, Wayne Township, owned a general store/inn/gunshop along Mahoning Creek, although tax lists “consistently show him as a gunsmith.” His guns are frequently encountered. He was an unusually good engraver. He lived in Putneyville, Armstrong County, all his adult life. He married three times: to a Miss Nulph; to Pricilla Potts, mother of gunsmith Levi Schreckengost; and to Mary Heller. His tools, guns, and gun parts were sold at public vendue on 8 October 1894. A number of guns, ranging from a heavy barrel target model to a double barrel rifle (over-under) were offered.

The sons of William built distinctive and affordable rifles ($28) for the local population. They purchase their locks and imported German silver for inlay work from a Pittsburgh firm. The butt-stock design of the rifle is a “roman nose” pattern and was designed to be fired from the upper arms, and not the shoulder, for better accuracy. As was already noted above, William and Lincoln also built exotic guns such as “over-under” rifles, heavy target rifles, or short sporting rifles. All rifles build by William, Levi, and Lincoln Schreckengost were percussion cap.

I can’t even begin to guess what a rifle in this fine a condition would be worth… and as such this family treasure is kept in an undisclosed location. This rifle is in the family of rifles called Pennsylvania-Kentucky rifles, crafted in those and surrounding states by German settlers beginning in the 1700s. You can read more about these rifles here:

http://johno.myiglou.com/kyrifle.htm
http://patentpending.blogs.com/patent_pending_blog/2004/11/the_kentucky_ri.html
The Pennsylvania-Kentucky Rifle, by Henry Kauffman

So, while dabbling around I pulled a picture I took from last Winter… cleaned it, balanced the lighting, passed it through a black & white filter, and then gently applied an indigo gradient. The results were pleasing… so here it is for anyone to enjoy if they wish (1600×1200).

We stopped at Rock City Park while we were there. Here’s some details from their website:

Rock City Park, located in the Enchanted Mountains of Cattaraugus County, south of Olean, New York on Route 16, is sometimes called one of the Eighth Wonders of the World. This prehistoric ocean floor is the World’s largest exposure of quartz conglomerate (also called ocean spar or puddingstone) and attracts thousands of visitors yearly.

Visitors are astounded by gigantic boulders several stories high with huge crevices sometimes referred to as “streets.” Rock City Park is believed to have been a fortress for the Seneca Indians at one time. “Three Sisters”, “Balancing Rock (a 1000 ton boulder), and “Indian Face” rock are just some of the natural rock formations found along Rock City’s scenic trails. From “Signal Rock,” once used as a signaling point by Indians, visitors enjoy the 1,000 square mile panoramic view of the Enchanted Mountains.

Rock City Park features a three quarter mile natural trail consisting of various steps and paths necessitating comfortable clothing and good walking shoes. During spring and summer you will see a variety of wildflowers, ferns, moss, Mountain Laurel (which blooms late in June) and of course enjoy the quiet serenity of the forest nestled among this geological wonder. Leaf peepers enjoy Rock City Park’s spectacular fall foliage.

On the trek back to Albany we spent a few relaxing days in the Finger Lakes… including Watkins Glen and Taughannock Falls.

As always you can view all my recent pics on my online photo gallery.

This is a snazzy dark grey theme with splashes of greenery (hence the name). The original template is an open-source design by Pat Heard from FullAhead.org.

I have included, as of Version 2.0, an Adobe Photoshop template file that allows the painless creation of custom theme “middle-space” images (hint: the “middle-space” is the large section between the main content and the sidebar that has lots of “greenery” in it).

I get lots of questions on this theme surrounding the menu tabs at the top. By default only a few choices are shown (homepage, about page, and the archives) because, quite frankly, there’s not a lot of real-estate up there to be showing a dozen page tabs - and there’s a secondary navigation in the sidebar that shows ALL pages. However, I have included all the PHP code you’d need (inside the header.php file) to allow your pages to be tabbed up top.

[DOWNLOAD] v2.2 - 17 JUL 08 - 732kB

[LIVE DEMO]

This is a clean, snappy theme that is a conversion of the public domain template by the same name designed by the folks at SixShooterMedia. I really liked the style and class of this template so I converted it just for fun. I intend on periodicaly updating it with small tweaks and improvements.

[DOWNLOAD] v1.6 - 17 JUL 08 - 37kB

[LIVE DEMO]

Clean, classy, and crimson… that’s the best way to describe this theme. It supports widgets and discriminating tastes, and as you can see it’s fairly light with a fine classy polish. The navigation tabs add some transparent wow, and the look and feel is easy to sink into. This latest version of the theme took me quite a bit of time to tweak just the way I liked it, so I hope you enjoy.

[DOWNLOAD] v1.5 - 17 JUL 08 - 138kB

[LIVE DEMO]

One of MANY, MANY reviews I’ve received:

I’ve looked at hundreds of WordPress themes, and I have to say, Crimson Sunrise is the most technically advanced I’ve seen yet.

- If you add pages, it adds tabs to the top.
- It comes with built in functions for doing things you’d normally have to hunt the Codex for
- It Looks GREAT

Either way, I think I’ve found my new favourite theme for WordPress.

From the Dallas City Hall blog:

A special meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets turned tense and bizarre this afternoon.

County commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used to process traffic ticket payments and handle other paperwork normally done by the JP Courts.

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections “has become a black hole” because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud “Excuse me!” He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.”

That prompted Judge Thomas Jones, who is black, to demand an apology from Mayfield for his racially insensitive analogy.

Mayfield shot back that it was a figure of speech and a science term. A black hole, according to Webster’s, is perhaps “the invisible remains of a collapsed star, with an intense gravitational field from which neither light nor matter can escape.”

Other county officials quickly interceded to break it up and get the meeting back on track. TV news cameras were rolling, after all.

How stupid do Price and Jones have to be? And you’d think that after being educated on what a black hole is (and its common colloquial use) Price would have said “Oh… okay, my bad.” Nope, instead he stands by his opposition to black holes, and also throws “devil’s food cake” and “angel food cake” under the bus. Mr. Price, sir, are an idiot!

If you visit the city hall blog post and read the comments, you’ll see the overwhelming majority of folks angry at Price for being an ignorant windbag. Of course, you’ll see a few folks inexplicably defending Price, and then you’ll see a few idiots attributing Price’s ignorance too ALL black folks - and that’s obviously a gross error, too.

Here’s a few of my favorite comments from the town hall blog:

Price needs to learn the difference between a “black hole” and a “black a-hole”…the former is a figure of speech; the latter describes jerks like him.

It’s not like they called it a nappy-headed hole. Now THAT would be outrageous.

My goodness, it seems that Mr. Price needs sum edumacation vout the compression and densifications of stellar ojcectifacations. Go back to schoo; bozo and try this time to pass 5th grade science instead of making a career avout demonizing whitey

Bwahahaha! It’s like on the first Apprentice show when Amorosa got her nose out of joint when someone used the old expression “the pot calling the kettle black” that has nothing to do with race, but with someone accusing someone of something they are also guilty of. Beauty and color are only skin deep, but stupid goes all the way to the bone.

Sounds like Commissioner Mayfield is getting blackballed. He may even be blacklisted over this! This whole affair is a bonafide black cloud over Dallas politics. You might even say they’re suffering from a common sense blackout.

No, no ,no - the politically correct term would be “hole of color”…

Wait a minute… how can anything “black” be “of color”, since black is the absence of incident photons having wavelength in the visible spectrum?! People “of color” would actually be THE OPPOSITE - people WITHOUT color… while the lighter your skin is, the more diversity of photo-wavelengths are reflecting off your pearly sheen into the darkened eyes of others.

[if you can't see any sarcasm in the previous paragraph, don't respond - just kill yourself]

Price and Jones should apologize to Mayfield, then immediately step off the council pending an upgrade in civility AND in elementary science.

Can you find what’s so outrageously offensive in the above ad? Well, duh… of course it’s got to be the puppy. This little guy is Rebel, a German Shepherd police dog “recruit” who’s been featured recently on police fliers in the Scottish town of Tayside. Now the Muslims in the nearby Dundee community are outraged because of how offensive and insensitive this ad is. Huh?

The advert has upset Muslims because dogs are considered ritually unclean and has sparked such anger that some shopkeepers in Dundee have refused to display the advert. Dundee councilor Mohammed Asif said: ‘My concern was that it’s not welcomed by all communities, with the dog on the cards.’

WTF? Are you kidding me? The West has quite a love for canines, and dogs have also found worthy service in many parts of our society. So if you don’t like it perhaps you should go eat dog crap. Any shopkeeper from that town that refuses to put up that sign should be sentenced to community service cleaning the police kennel.

Seriously, anyone offended by a puppy should kill themselves. Really.

A spokesman for Tayside Police said: ‘Trainee police dog Rebel has proved extremely popular with children and adults since being introduced to the public, aged six weeks old, as Tayside Police’s newest canine recruit.’

[...]

‘We did not seek advice from the force’s diversity adviser prior to publishing and distributing the postcards. That was an oversight and we apologise for any offence caused.’

Why is this wimp apologizing?! A puppy is not offensive… so if someone decides they are offended by it, who the heck cares? Good! I’m glad they are offended. Perhaps being offended will help them out… in a therapeutic way. Maybe I’ll draw a cartoon featuring Muhammad the Sheltie - it can be my weekly comic in their Sunday paper.

This whole brain-scraper is the typical, wreaking, leftist, multiculturalistic approach to social appeasement… bereft of any principles or logical thought. If you took their “tolerance” and “sensitivity” to its logical conclusion (oops, that takes thought) the town would ultimately have to remove all dogs, including police dogs, as to not offend any Muslims. After that all non-mosques would have to be torn down, too, because they are filled with infidel swine. Oh yeah… all pork products should be pulled from the store shelves.

You see… I’m spun up now.